Are You Abusing?

It is likely that you are abusing someone if he/she tells you that he/she is being hurt by your actions (such as slapping, pushing, grabbing) or words (through put-downs, threats or intimidation). You may not think you are an abusive person or that your words or actions aren’t enough to hurt someone. But, it is not about what you think your actions are doing or should do to your partner. What matters is how your actions affect him/her.

Ask yourself some questions:

• Has my partner told me that my words or actions hurt him/her?
• Has my partner asked me to stop those hurtful words or actions?
• Have I ever used force or threats to make my partner do something that he/she didn’t want to do?
• Have I ever used force or threats to prevent my partner from doing something he/she wanted to do?
• Has my partner complained that I have pressured him/her into unwanted sexual activities?
• Has my partner complained that I control or dominate his/her life in unwanted ways?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are probably engaging in a form of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse against your partner. This does not mean you are a bad person, but it does mean that you MUST stop your abusive behavior.

Help is available, but you must be willing to:

• Stop your abusive words and actions
• Admit your abusive behavior to God, yourself, and others
• Talk about what you have done and be willing to change
• Receive healing for abuse you may have received in your past

This may not be easy for you. But think of the difference it could make for your partner, your family and yourself.